Ah! How on earth could I have let time slip by me? I haven't posted for a couple weeks now, so I better come out with a topic that I'm so very passionate about. To be honest, it wasn't until I moved to the city about 4 years ago, that I found these issues to weigh on my mind. I have made a few wise cracks about it randomly, but never came out in public with some of these issues I feel passionate about.
Are you at the edge of your seat yet? Do I have your full attention? To put it frankly, I cannot stand city drivers. Sorry. Actually, no...no I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I date a car buff. He has done some crazy things while driving. If you know him, I am sure you have seen him try to pull at least one of his "tricks." Most of these tricks I had the "pleasure" of experiencing in the passanger seat. I have compiled a list of things for each reader to consider. If you are one of the city drivers I vent about, I'm sorry that I'm not sorry about bringing these things to your attention. If you are not, I am betting that you agree with some of the consitancies that drive you(literally) crazy.
1. Who you are: The late mergers. Yeah...you know what I'm talking about. Here you are driving down the 6 laned interstate. All of a sudden, traffic slows. Something is going on. It is 7pm. 5 o'clock traffic should be clear by now. Ah ha! Locals are merging into two lanes. What does this mean? No Mr. Heavyfoot, it does not mean that all of these cars pretty much parted the Red Sea for you. Unfortunately for you, there is no VIP services offered for ROAD CONSTRUCTION.
Who I am: The bumper sticker. Oh...you want to skip ahead 40 cars and merge in front of me? I had no idea. However, I do have great car insurance coverage and I am hoping that you do too, because you will have to mow me over like the annoying water grass in spring. Also, if we have the chance to get to know each other, the first question I will ask you is the name of your Kindergarten teacher. The one who lacked instruction of waiting your turn in line.
2. Who you are: The bumber sticker. Ah! You only have an hour left to get to work and you are a whole block away. Why is traffic moving so slow? Thought: maybe if you get really really close to the car in front of you, they will be able to move faster. Dang. It doens't work. In fact it's doing the opposite. Who is this lunatic on the road only going 7 over the speed limit?
Who I am: The tease. Oh, I briefly understand that you want to get a closer look of my car. Alright....close enough. Alright...your time is up. Are you mad? I'm not sorry. Just you wait. Hellooooooo semi to the right. Semi driver, look at my bumper in the left lane. Now let me check yours(slow down). Now that I passed the bumper sticker to semi, I will go ahead and let the semi get one more look at my bumper. We meet again, bumper sticker. Shoot...I didn't realize I was going 7 over...(slow down)my limit is 2 under. JUST KIDDING! See ya, sucker!
3. Who you are: The tease. Out on the interstate. Psht...the cars are only going the speed limit. You need to be in the far left lane to get past them all(speed up to 75). Like, oh my goodness, your BFF from freshman year is calling you. You have to answer and give her your full attention(slow down to 5 below- still in the left lane). Whoops! She had the wrong number(speed up to 75). Wow...is that Backstreet Boys on the radio again? Turn that up!!!(slow down to 5 below - still in the left lane). Nope...pure disappointment. It was One Direction(speed up to 75). Woah, woah, woah...where did this car come from in front of you? Better question: Why are they only driving 73?(merge to right lane)
Who I am: The relaxed leader. Headed home for the weekend! Setting the cruise at 75. Here we go. Welp, the crazy in the left passing lane can't make up their mind, so I will be courtious and make it for them. Pull to the right...pull back to the left. Decrease cruise speed to 73. There we go...the car is where it should be. The right lane.
There ya go Kansas City. To solve every single traffic problem, follow the relaxed leader with no direct road rage necessary. The small town, relaxed, and experienced driver, in the big city knows best. Right?
*Endnote*
This post is dedicated to my little sister, Sydney, who recently got her driving permit.
